“Chops, You Take Him Down.”

There is a myth of the ‘self-made’ man/woman, where she/he pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps (whatever those are), overcame the odds, and became successful.  If that exists in the real world, it has not been my experience.  

I have been blessed with great role models.  From my mother, a quiet, thoughtful woman who did not drink, smoke or swear, I learned that you should not look for a fight, but you can’t run away from them.  As a child, I came home once after being ‘punched’ by a neighborhood kid name Johnny (not for the first time).  My mother told me to go out, and punch him right back.  I did.  I remember to look on my mother’s face when Johnny’s mother came to our door to complain.  

She promised to punish me, but I think Mom gave me a snack when Johnny’s mom left.  She taught me that fighting was bad, but you cannot run from bullies.

My High School wrestling coach, Blase Iuliano taught me the importance in believing you could do more/ be more that you thought.  He showed us that leaders are not appointed; they can appoint themselves.  They can stand up, pull the team together, and create forward momentum.

During my junior year of high school, our wrestling team was not having a great year, with one senior on the varsity; it was a rare down year for Coach Iuliano.  You could tell it was frustrating for him.  He didn’t think we were working hard enough.  His solution was not to ‘clamp’ down, but to loosen up.

He called a team meeting.  He told us that the first hour of practice, the conditioning hour was now ‘on your own.’  We could work out alone, we could work out together or we could nap.

For most of us, we have never worked harder in our lives.

In my career, there have been so many who have helped me.  Lee Simonson, who was my boss in the late 90’s had a profound impact on my insight into running a radio station, and my confidence that despite previous setbacks in my career, I had the knowledge and skills to be successful in the media industry.

On May 1st, 2000, I went to work for Entercom.  I was hired by Weezie Kramer who later became the Chief Operating Officer.  It is one of the longest professional relationships of my life. It has benefitted me both personally and professionally.

It is difficult for me to explain exactly what I have learned from Weezie.  Certainly, tactics on how to be a better manager, how to evaluate and coach talent, how to have high expectations, but in a way that allows employees the ability to be heard.

The last thing I thing I told Weezie 20 years ago before I accepted a position with Entercom was that “my opinion matters. “  I said it because my parents taught me to stand up for myself and be heard, and if she didn’t want to hear from me when we disagreed, then she shouldn’t hire me.

Her answer was “That’s why I want to hire you.”

Weezie taught me that it is okay to have a different opinion (something Entercom CEO David Field looks for).  She taught me that it is okay to have fun, even in tough times, and that I didn’t have to park my wise-ass sense of humor at the door. 

Like a marriage, there have been tough times in my relationship with Weezie.  We have had angry disagreements, and moments of empathy as both have had to fight cancer in the last decade.

Through it all, Weezie has been true to her promise.  I don’t get to right about everything, but my opinion gets to matter.

There was a moment during my senior year of High School wrestling that I will never forget.  It was a match in Glens Falls, NY, our archrival.  Our team had one loss all year, it was to Glens Falls, and this was our re-match.

We had learned from our experience the year earlier to be self-reliant.  We worked hard that year after Coach Iuliano told us it was up to us to decide if we wanted to be successful.  We worked hard all summer to be in better condition, be stronger and be better wrestlers.

On this day, we could avenge our only defeat of our senior year.

There as less than a minute left in my match, and I escaped to go ahead by 9 points.  I took a second and looked at the large cheering crowd, and the time left, and realized all I had to do was be smart because I had this match won.  I could relax. 

That’s when I heard a voice, over the crowd noise.  It was the only voice I could single out in a moment like that:  Couch Iuliano was telling me, “Chops, you take him down”

Yes, everyone in High School called me Chops.  The teachers, the coaches, my parents.  Everyone.  

Coach knew that if I scored two more points with a takedown I would garner an additional team point that might help us win the team match.  I was tired. I had won.  I did not need a takedown.

However, the team did.  A great coach knows when to back off, and when to push.  He knew if he pushed me at that moment, I could do this.

I did, I took him down, and put him on his back for more points.  We avenged our defeat, and that moment hearing Coach Iuliano’s voice is one I recall in moments of stress, and fear all through my life. 

He believed I could do it, and his voice told me so.  I still hear it today.

The voices in my head are the many people who have coached me, influenced me, and helped me.  Like that long ago moment from Coach Iuliano, they help me to understand that I have control over what I do.

That I am capable of doing more.

Weezie Kramer is retired from her role as Entercom COO, and I retired shortly thereafter.  

Her voice will be with me forever.  Joining the voices of the great mentors and coaches I have been blessed enough to work with.

Coach Iuliano coached me over 45 years ago, and I still hear his voice when I doubt myself.  “Chops, you take him down”.  When I’m tired, or frustrated, or frankly just worn out, the voice of my Coach tells me that I am capable of more - more than 45 years later.

“Great coaches stay with you.”

I am not a self-made man.  I am made up of all of the great leaders, teachers, mentors, parents, friends, and coaches I have had.  They live in my head, helping to guide me today.

If you are in management, ask yourself: Are you a coach?  Are you telling people what to do, or are you helping them to realize what they are capable of doing themselves?

Great managers are great coaches. What are you doing to become a great coach?